From a little girl who never wants to grow up

I don’t know where to start.
You’ve been there for me even before I can remember,
The single most constant thing in my life.
I remember going to sleep just listening to the sound of your voice
The innumerable fairytales you told while I listened in awe
Weekends at the beach and castles in the sand
Looking back, I wish those days lasted longer daddy,
Or at least that I’d understood back then how precious they were.
You taught me how to ride my first bike,
Running alongside me making sure I didn’t fall.
You let go when you thought I’d do alright by myself.
I looked back. I smiled.

All the long drives dad and the fishing trips every Friday
Camping in a tent in the middle of the hall!!
The wrestling bouts that Small so skilfully tried to stay away from
Mom’s awesome cooking, your special cauliflower soup and stir fried chicken in wine.
So many memories daddy, that make what we have so special.
You were everything a little girl could ever dream her Daddy to be.
You put up with all my nonsense, stood by me through my mistakes.
Punished me when I was wrong and supported me when I made it right.
Thank you for all your trust, for all your encouragement and your faith in me.
I know there were times when I let you down,
When I was selfish and never realised that I’d hurt you
I’m sorry for all those times dad. I never meant to hurt you.

You respect me as a person, treat me as an equal.
Ask me for my opinions and understand my thoughts.
You give me my freedom in the hope that I won’t break your trust.
Thank you dad for your faith in me. I promise I won’t let you down.
I’m scared about the future. I won’t lie.
I don’t want things to change. I love where we are today.
I don’t want to grow up. Even if I have to,
I will always be my daddy’s little girl.
Thank you daddy for being my role model
Thank you for all that you teach me everyday
Thank you for being my hero
Thank you for being my best friend.

Happy Birthday Dadda. I love you.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CHENNAI WHEN...

1) When the sound of the saavu koothu (Dead body dance) just evokes you from the inside and all you wanna do is join the kuthu on the street!
2) When something goes wrong, you say aiyeyo instead of ‘omg’!
3) You know the tagline for narasoos coffee!! :D Say it with me!! ‘besh besh, rumba nanna irruku’
4) You’ve had a date on marina beach, over a plate of bajjis with slightly discoloured chutney on the side :D (u know u’ve been through that!!)
5) When you can’t seem to choose between the Pakathu Veetu Maami’s Samaiyal and Murugan Idli Shop
6) On finding an auto with a working meter your jaw hits the floor
7) You know what Ranganathan Street is like on a Saturday evening
8) You’ve gotten up to the sounds of a man yelling ‘Plaaaeestic saamane’!! Or a particularly deep voiced man shouting ‘Paaaepaaaaar... Paaaepaaaar’!
9) You know what it feels like to have ridden/driven down ECR in the dead of the night (Thanks Kitty Cat)
10) You know what a first day first show Super Star Rajnikanth movie feels like.
11) You know the Koundermani and Sendhil banana joke.
12) You realize that it’s the city you miss over everything and everyone else, when you’re away :(

INGENIOUS NOTE ON FACEBOOK

Okie... so my cousin tags me in this awesome note on facebook. It’s easy enough. Just answer a few questions, picking from the choices given. Each choice stands for a certain phrase that is consecutively put into the context of a letter that you can send to a friend. The unsuspecting friend of choice, in my case, was Jeff... so here’s the final draft of the letter that came to be.

Dear Jeff,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a leprechaun. I think I realized it that night you picked your nose under the bus and I saw you sit on the elephant in the corner. I'm sure you're masochistic enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your false teeth to you, but I'll keep your photo with the mustache drawn on it as a memory. You should also know that I love your sweet, sweet ass and I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Go drown yourself,

Carmel.

Pat came the reply:

Dear Carmel,
I don't really know how to tell you this, but Our romance is over. I think I realized it when your dwarf bit me at the mental hospital and I saw you Hit on The Catholic Priest. I'm sure you're Cowardly enough to understand how awful you are. I'm returning your false teeth to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory. You should also know that I am better off without you and you ruined my attempts at another world war.

Go drown yourself,

Jeff.
.................................................

Here’s how you do it:

Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). (12),

(Your name)

============================================

1) What's the color of your shirt?

Blue - I'm in love with your cat

Red - Our affair is over

White - I’m joining the Convent

Black -Our romance is over

Green- Our socks don't match

Grey - You're a leprechaun

Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy

Pink - Your nostrils are insulting

Brown - The mafia wants you

No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you

Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?

January - That night you picked your nose

February -When I quoted Forest Gump

March - When your dwarf bit me

April - When I tripped on peanut butter

May - When I finally changed my underwear

June - When you put cuffs on me

July – When I saw the purple monkey

August - When you smacked my ass

September- Last year when you peed your pants

October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub

November - When your dog humped my leg

December - When I threw up in your sock drawer

3) Which food do you prefer?

Tacos - In your apartment

Chicken- In your car

Pasta - Outside of your office

Hamburgers - Under the bus

Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner

Lasagna - In your closet

Kebab - With Jean Chrétien

Seafood - In a clown suit

Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert

Pizza - At the mental hospital

Hot dog - Under a street light

Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?

Yellow - Ignore

Red - Put whipped cream on

Black - Hit on

Blue - Knock out

Purple - Pour syrup on

White - Carve your initials into

Grey - Pull the clothes off

Brown - bite off

Orange - Castrate

Pink - Pull the pants off of

Barefoot - Sit on

Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?

Black - My boyfriend

White - My father

Grey – The Catholic Priest

Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie

Purple - My corned beef hash

Red – My knee caps

Blue - My salt-beef bucket

Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana

Orange - My Blink 182 cd

Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection

Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?

One Tree Hill - Senile

Heroes- Frostbitten

Lost - High

Simpsons- Cowardly

The news - Scarred

American Idol - Masochistic

Family Guy - Open

Top Model - Middle-class

Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?

Happy - How awful you are

Sad - How boring you are

Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men

Angry - That your smell makes me vomit

Depressed – That we’re related

Excited - That I may pee my pants

Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you

Worried - That your Ford sucks

Apathetic - That you need a sex-change

Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes

Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist

Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid

Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?

White - Your toe ring

Yellow - Your love letters to me

Red - The pictures from Vegas

Black - Your pet rock

Blue - The couch cushions

Green - Your car

Orange - Your false teeth

Brown - Your nose hair clippers

Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear

Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket

Pink - The cut toenails

Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?

A/B - My virginity

C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it

E/F - Your neighbor’s dog

G/H - The oil tank from your car

I/J - Your left ear

K/L - The results of that blood-sample

M/N - Your glass eye

O/P - My common sense

Q/R - Your mom

S/T - Your collection of butterflies

U/V - Your criminal record

W/X – Your suicide note

Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?

A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass

C/D - Always will remember the pep talks

E/F -Never will forget that night

G/H – Will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard.

I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly

K/L - Hate your cooking

M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching

O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises

Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet

S/T - Always wanted to break your legs

U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart

W/X - Haven’t showered in a month

Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?

Wine- Our friendship is ruined

Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon

Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo

Milk - The apartment building is on fire

Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this

Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice

Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war.

Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out

Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird

Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey

Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine

Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?

Thailand – Warm tingly sensations

Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard

France - Go drown yourself

Spain - With tears of sadness

China – You make me sick

Germany – Please don’t hurt me

Japan - Go milk a cow

Greece - Your everlasting enemy

USA - Best of luck on the sex change

Egypt – Kiss my butt

England - Love always

...............................................................................................................................................................................

Try it! It’s super fun! Hoping to get a lot of comments (letters) back for this one! :)

YOU KNOW YOU’VE LIVED IN SAUDI WHEN...

1) You find it normal to see men dancing in slow motion with swords in their hands
2) You see men kissing each other on the nose in greeting
3) You’re checking out what the latest designer Abaya/Burka trend is
4) You’ve paid more for water than you have for petrol
5) You know you’ve had a Tazo collection before!
6) You never know your address and have to give out directions based on landmarks instead
7) You start saying Bebsi instead of Pepsi
8) You start addressing people (men and women alike) as Habibi
9) You start saying ‘our wife’ when you’re actually referring to the other person’s wife.
10) You plan out your shopping based on prayer time
11) You check if you have your Iqama before you walk out the door
12) You get up and get ready to go to work on a Sunday
13) You look around hoping no one sees you eating lunch in your car when it’s Ramadan
14) You have developed a 6th sense for Mutawas (paranoid religious police armed with canes!!)
15) You automatically start looking for your abaya before heading out the door

A lecherous treacherous lot!

My current status update on facebook reads 'Carmel has just witnessed the dawn of the Internet Letching Era via social networking sites : ' I don't think there is a person in the entire world who could be as psychologically traumatised, scarred i should say, at the events that unfurled on a particular floor of a particular girls hostel in Pune , last night.
So here's what happens. On the eve of a particularly crucial exam, i hear girls screaming and running excitedly through the lobby. As a normal inquisitive person, i chose to do what i believe to be the worst choice of my life thus far. I chose to investigate.
I walked into a room ankle deep in drool. What do i see?? A bunch of girls skirmishing over a laptop. I didn't think too much of it at first.. but then i heard one of them squeak 'Hey, that's the guy i've been checking out from MIST. Now MIST as you know happens to be one of the other colleges that share the same campus as ours. I'm intrigued. I peer over all the heads crowded around the laptop to see just what the hell these women were squealing about at 2 in the morning...And there it was, the reason for all the commotion.. a tall white fellow, in his MIST uniform, smiling out of the screen. "Facebook?!? You’re stalking MIST blokes on Facebook?!???"
No answer. Suddenly,
"Hey, isn't that that girl with the big nose who's always around him??"...
"Yup, that's her."..
"Hey, go back to his profile and check if his relationship status says single!"...
" Already did. It doesn't say... But I just found his phone number!".
A flurry of movement occurs where all the girls dive in different directions for their mobiles. " I'm sending him a friend request" said one of them. "Don't" said another. Pat came the reply... "Too late".
I walked out. A particularly intelligible professor told us about the convergence of media and the emergence of the new media as the dominant medium... But letching over the internet?? Who would have thought??!?
I left before i had the opportunity to go totally insane. In my somewhat psychologically damaged state of mind, i'd left my keys back in the drool room. As much as i dreaded going back in, i had to muster up the courage to go in, get the keys and be back out in no time. I went in only to see that the laptop now sported the MIST guy's picture as the desktop wallpaper!!!
And thus have i bourn witness to the dawn of true convergence...the Internet Letching Era via social networking sites !